Dragon's Lair

My 'Coming Out' Journey:

 

OK, as you may have guessed from the title of this section (if you didn't already know), I am gay.

 

 

And this is my little adventure on coming out of the closet.

Well, first question a lot of people ask me when I first “officially” come out to them is “When did you know?” That's kinda a hard one...... I first started suspecting that I liked guys (physically) around the age of 12, however, didn't fully think that I was gay until 18. …………

 

I was in sixth grade then and had asked one of my classmates to flex for me.. I think.. hell that was like 15 years ago, so my memory may be a little off :P Anyway, long story short, I had this thing for guys with muscles since about then. Prior to that, I just never really gave it a second thought. I mean, hell back in first grade I kissed one of my friends (female, btw) on the cheek [at least that's how I remember it. I've heard that she says I literally kissed her ass....but again this was in first grade and that rumor was brought to my attention like in fourth or fifth grade so... yeah]. Anyway, I mean I always seemed to like hanging around my [very few] male friends more but nothing more than typical boy stuff. [Reason I say “very few” is because for some reason, back in second grade, some of the kids that I thought were friends in first grade decided to start making fun of me and shit.... hell, one of them even stated I fell asleep in class (second grade) with my hands down my pants :S Which I still believe I never did, because the teachers are all kinda old-fashioned/traditional so they would have woken me up straightaway if I did... I would think] {OK ADD boy, focus}

 

 

Anywho, it's now sixth grade and puberty sets in.... I started noticing guys a bit more, especially if they had some nice muscles on their frame :P [Like, I found this one drawing of the male torso from sixth grade health and I made a copy and then started using it to draw (headless) guys with muscles and hung them up in my room]... Fast forward a few years, I'm now 15 and at my first job (McDonald's). There's this kid about my age who had some hella nice muscles that I kept talking about [no I'm not gonna mention names. Those that knew me then should know who. Otherwise, who is not important]. And then one night, I forget what my parents and I were arguing about, but then they mentioned (I think) this kid and how I'm always talking about him, and I blurted out “I'm not gay if that's what you're wondering!” or something like that. [See, I am currently in denial at this point... I know I love looking at the guys however I swore then that I'd never fuck a guy, thus I wasn't gay as I'd never have sex or kiss a guy....] The argument stopped shortly thereafter and that topic never came up again.

 

 

Now, I'm 18, have been friends with this one kid for several years [I'll just call him by his nickname from school, Knightraven] and we're both workin at Burger King. It's Halloween night and I decide to tell him that I may be gay. He said he always had his suspicions, and I thought everything was still cool... as he said he didn't care. Well, fast forward throughout that year and I come to find out he cared very much... because he ended up being (or acting like he was) a big homophobe. So we end up parting ways.

Now, I'm about 20 years old, and have mostly accepted that I am gay, however still “would never fuck a dude”... I still have not come out to anyone else that I know, since I didn't want a repeat of what happened with Knightraven.

 

 

Not much really changes until a couple years later. I realize (I guess) that I would fuck a dude, however never really said that to myself... it just kinda evolved I guess. I start coming out to select co-workers too at this point (I'm at Cracker Barrel now).

Then, while I was working at Cracker Barrel, I meet Chris [see Bio] on Myspace and meet him in person there at work. We talk and well, needless to say decide to start dating shortly thereafter.

 

 

Fast forward a few more years, I'm now 26. I've come out to my half-brother and biological mom, and most of my friends that I still have contact with. And hit a very rough patch in my relationship with Chris, and end up having to ask mom if I can stay with them for a bit. Just a few months prior, I finally came out to her and dad... in a letter... But anyway, so the three of us have a little talk and they ask some questions... all I remember is mainly if I'm “OK” with being gay. {Oh yeah, perfect question to ask someone who's still working on being 100% comfortable with this and whatnot}. They (of course) mention how they do not condone anything about my homosexuality however as I am their son they still love me.... but fell just short of flat out saying 'You being our son is the only reason we aren't disowning you and cutting you out of our lives and, by the way, you're going to rot in hell for this sin of homosexuality'. Lovely right? Well, in all honesty, I expected them to say exactly that (except that they were going to disown me). Gotta love Christianity and the Bible.

 

So, anyway, I'm now almost 32 years old, and (for the past three years) am 99% out of the closet. I still have yet to “officially” tell my extended family on either side, as they all pretty much have damn near the same views of homosexuality as my parents. However, I now feel comfortable enough with it that if things work out between Patrick and I [see, we're still getting to know each other so, yeah, may blossom into what I feel/hope it will {LTR} (and I believe he feels the same way) or it may not, only time will tell] and I take him to one of our family gatherings, if anyone says anything with the phrase “my friend” [ie: "Who's your friend?", (mom) "This is Dan's friend, Patrick", etc].... I'll correct them and tell them he's my boyfriend.. if they give me a puzzled look.. 'that's right, boyfriend.. as in partner, as in I'm gay.' And we'll see what happens. [I’m starting to think that some on my mom’s side would actually be ok with it – at least not judge me like my parents have…which is strange to say as mom’s side is the more religious side……but as far as that goes, mom’s side was raised/are United Methodists [or non-denominational] and dad’s side was raised/(few) are Catholic…]

 

 

Other than the family hurdle, I am pretty much open with all about my homosexuality. I don't go around and tell everyone I'm gay though like some attention seeking queen, but if they ask or it can just flow with the current topic of conversation, I'll say it. (or whatever may suggest it – ie: ‘oh yeah, reminds me of something my boyfriend did’ type thing)

 

[The End.... for now …. this is an on-going process so expect updates when things change/evolve in this adventure]

 

 

Note to other GBLT peoples/Straight-Allies that may be reading this: If you wish, HRC has some great info on how to break the ice, show support, and whatnot... just all sorts of info. Click on the HRC logo below for the information. {temp link to HRC here}